I’m surprised I’ve managed to write so much on this blog without having devoted a post entirely to the Eurovison Song Contest. I’ve mentioned museums, old town squares, recycling and even discount airlines, but nothing of the supreme pinnacle of European culture.

I must rectify the situation.

For all those not yet practising members of the cult of Eurovision, here are some excerpts from one Eurovision drinking game to give you an idea of the proceedings:

Sip your drink for any costume change, use of props, wink at camera, mime heavy guitar solo, song in language other than English or native tongue, or if UK gets no points. Sip for ‘ethnic’ dancing, but drain glass if hip hop dancing. It’s also a sip for use of fireworks, but bottoms up if singer catches fire. Of course, if your country wins – drain your glass!

That’s just a taste of it – here’s another.

This is Dima Bilan, an established popstar in Russia and their entry in the 2006 Eurovision Song Contest. He had the misfortune of going up against the overwhelmingly popular Finnish heavy metal group, Lordi, with their ‘Hardrock Hallelujah’, and managed to take out second place.

But as you can see, this clip has all the essential Eurovision elements (it’s just unfortunate that there was rebellion in the ranks and the Finns had an unorthodox victory). There are elements of national character – with the Euro-mullet (or perhaps skanky post-Euro-mullet) and ballet dancers, how much more Russian could you get? The Eurovision pop-kitsch measures are appreciated as well, a huge white piano prop and lots of “yiiihh” when gasping for breath at the end of the lines. One can’t go past the song lyrics either. I love them. “Baby now it’s happened with us, we are dancing on broken glass, can’t stand anymore” – ahah! A pop pun! And nonsensical grammar!

The original film clip features some ‘bonus’ features including 1. a better accent, and 2. more attempts of street-cred dance moves by Bilan, some little jumps rendered pathetic next to the assumed years classical training undertaken by the ballet dancers.

Bring on Eurovision 2008, I say!